Table of Contents
Retrospect and take a peek at all those instances where you had compared your children with their siblings, classmates, cousins, and other kids from the neighborhood. Look how she scored 94% for English. Can’t you spare some time to study like your classmates? Did you come to know that your neighbor bagged 1st prize in the essay competition? Why don’t you learn something from him? Stop roaming around playing cricket and invest some time in attending your tuition classes as your twin brother does.
Most of the parents, at some point or the other, would have compared their children with others. Though these comparisons only meant the mere persuasion of your child to perform better in their corresponding domain, these comparisons made might have had a greater adverse influence on your child. Here is why you must stop comparing your children with other kids.
How to do it right?
Your motive remains the same, but your actions differ. All you want is your child to do better, to develop skills to balance their respective weaknesses, and altogether to excel in life. But the comparison does not serve this purpose. It makes things even worse. So how to do it the right way? Start teaching your children to self-evaluate and identify their areas of weakness and strength.
Appreciate them for their good deeds, while at the same time, either train them to come up with solutions to cope up with it better or construct possible solutions that you think would work for your child better.
1. Feelings of hatred
When being compared to a classmate, cousin, or even one’s siblings, kids may develop feelings of resentment and hatred towards the person with whom they are being compared to. Later on, children may start expressing these repressed emotions of hate through verbal abuse and even physical attacks.
Therefore, parents must think of all possible ways not to compare their kids with others, but yet manage to convince them to perform better.
2. Low self-esteem
When being compared to others regardless of what they are good at, children will start doubting their potential and capabilities. This may induce low self-esteem within them. Constantly comparing your child with others will eventually pave way for low self-confidence, self-respect, and feelings of low self-worth.
3. Affects identity formation
The tendency to compare your child with others who do fairly better than them puts your child in a position to follow the ways others have formulated for their growth. No one, but you are only well aware of your strengths and weaknesses. Imitating the way others live will degrade the process of your identity formation.
Each individual is unique and their corresponding skill sets and areas of interest also differ. This is why parents must encourage their children to think and make decisions on their own instead of comparing them with other children.
4. Feels detached
Parents must start appreciating their kids for what they are good at, instead of comparing their weaknesses with others’ strengths. Kids favor acceptance for what they do. Denial of this acceptance will gradually detach them from their parents.
Why share my achievements and innovative ideas with parents if it only initiates a conversation about ignorance and comparison? They will eventually stop sharing their thoughts and ideas and at the end of the day, they will feel disconnected from their parents.
4. Develops a carefree attitude
The constant comparison makes the children believe that they are good for nothing and that their parents aren’t satisfied with what he/she is today. If the comparison continues, children will stop trying to please their parents, for it makes no difference despite what they do.
Thus, they develop this carefree attitude and try to fit into the roleplay as addressed by their parents. Showing hesitancy to improvise or grow is recognized as the behavioral traits one develops as a part of being compared to others.
Parents may find it difficult to control the impulse to compare their kids with others. But always remember that children do not react positively to negative criticisms, especially comparisons.
It will only put them in a difficult position. Why make things harder for them when you can take care of them with constant support, motivation, and encouragement.