Humans are social animals who cannot survive without socialisation. Having someone to love wholeheartedly and to be loved is one of the greatest feelings in life. Because, to stay connected with others and to treasure, the relationship they share, is of utmost importance when it comes to the survival of a human being. But how and when will a person realise if their relationship is toxic or not? Here, the word relationship encompasses the kind of bond we share between family, friends, and our respective romantic partners. There are several reasons for a relationship to turn toxic. Therefore, it’s important to sort them out in their fledgling stage and nurture them from falling apart.
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You keep compromising
Has this ever happened to you? Disparities are common in a relationship, for it’s something you share between two individualistically unique people. This is where one must understand the basic difference between adjustment and compromise. Both may seem similar but have different underlying denotations. The former one refers to the small temporary changes a person chooses to take to get along with someone.
While the latter act is something that is forced upon you by others or you unwillingly decide to do to avoid disputes. This is nothing less than giving up on something you love, be it dressing up according to your preferences, or going for a job that you have always dreamt of achieving. In the beginning, one may not realise the stumbling block, but later the person might regret the decision. In a relationship, if a person keeps on compromising to save it from getting knocked down, it will only end up breaking them apart.
Recall the times you have complained about your hostel curfew and the endless times you had to oblige to the rules and regulations of your school. As children and growing adults, this is something that we must adhere to. This example is an embodiment to portray one’s disrelish to be under the control of another person. In a relationship, when a person starts experiencing the pressure of being under control, it may affect the relationship adversely.
The existence of an imbalance of power between the two may give rise to other grave problems. But this varies from one person to the other. To some, they find it appealing to be under control, while to others it may be suffocating. Taking decisions for the other without considering their opinion, questioning the other about their whereabouts are few instances of exhibiting the aura of dominance.
Taking you for granted
But, how do we realise whether a person truly values you or is clinging onto you for benefits? As naive kids, we often get trapped in this mesh. But it’s better late than never. People tend to get acquainted with individuals who have a higher ascribed status when compared to others.
Thereby one can enjoy the perks of having a financially well sound social network, namely economic gains. While in a romantic relationship, people pretend to be in love with the other to satisfy their sexual desires. Contacting you only when they need you, putting others ahead of you, constantly making demands, and never thanking you for your efforts are tales that indicate that you are being taken for granted.
Lack of support
Lift each other during hardship. The notion of support perceived by people may vary according to their personality traits. Some people look forward to having a good listener, others may seek solutions to resolve the issue. Not being there for the other during the tough times may leave the person disappointed and disconnected from each other.
Unwillingness to stand up or speak up for your friends, family, or lover when they favour validation, is a mere indicator of how your relationship has turned toxic. In a healthy relationship, the respective individuals are expected to root for one another and help them grow and succeed. One must consciously take effort to invest their energy in a relationship to booth the other with confidence and to not let them go despondent.
The difference in the communication style is one way to recognise the intensity of toxicity suffused in one’s relationship. Rather than being empathetic and kind-hearted while talking, the person tends to criticize, insult and mock the other.
This may pop up all of a sudden leaving the partner in dismay. A hostile communication can be recognised through verbal and non-verbal means. Bemused prompts, aggressive behaviour, intimidating stares, and conversations tinged with sarcasm are few indications that unveil the true nature of a relationship.
Trust is what lays the foundation of any relationship. Lies and secrets are the baby steps that eventually lead a person to betray the other in the end. Emotional honesty is a crucial factor that upholds any relationship in life. Intentionally hiding trivial information from your partner, friends or family may seem okay initially.
With time, the person will repeatedly keep making the same mistake which may further foster the habit of hiding all the whereabouts. Being dishonest with a person can happen due to endless reasons, say out of the fear of being judged by friends, or because one may not be happy spending time with a particular person and ends up making vague excuses to get rid of him or her. These are basic examples and there are a lot more valid reasons that affect the relationship negatively.
The need to relinquish toxic relationships
Mental health is as important as physical health. A person can only be physically stable if their mental health is intact. If a person continues to stay within a toxic relationship, this may affect the person’s emotional stability. How long will a person keep pretending to be happy? Our inner feelings can’t lie even if the words do.
We often retract from giving up a toxic relationship by taking a lot of factors into consideration. There can be various reasons like considering the future of kids when it comes to a marital relationship, the hope to rebuild a friendship, no matter how hideous it has become, or being nostalgic of the happy past.
Having the willpower and hope to restructure a disorderly aligned relationship is always well appreciated, but not until it becomes as dreadful as death.